What do I want to write about?
A LOT.
Friends? Family? School? Achievements? Boys? Being a hopeless romantic? Name it. I can talk about it. The problem is... I don't know how. The world calls me a writer. But in this moment of my life, where work is waiting, people are all over, opportunities hardly pass by again, and boys who remain as boys and does not grow up as a man - I find it a hard time to write. So many demands. So many punishments. So many arguments. So many problems.
Uh-oh. There it goes. I think this post of mine would show how chaotic and scattered my mind is right now. I really do not know where and when to start writing, again. Though nobody forces me to right and make my fingers work all over my laptop but I just want to write. I want to express what my chaotic mind could not fix from within.
This post won't contain extravagant words. But raw words that freshly came from my soul. I do not know why or the exact reason but nature itself has its own way of calling me and to just open up another window and click "new post" in my dashboard.
In any less than 48 hours, my mom would be arriving home straight from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. She has been an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) since I was in Grade 4. I'm now 18 years old which makes her an OFW for almost 10 years. And in that 10 years, I have been used to the fact that I get to celebrate my mom's birthday, Christmas and even New Year's Eve without her. Since her contract says so and she could hardly force her employee to at least extend her vacation when she's here in the Philippines, all she's left to do is pack up her things and get a cab while I simply wave goodbye and pray that she gets a safe trip back to where she originally works. While I, goes back to my room, gets a book or simply opens up my laptop and types anything that comes to mind. IN OTHER WORDS, her absence and sudden come backs has been a routine. So much of a routine that my heart has become numb of the emptiness that has been in my heart ever since she started leaving. And so I have to adjust and that I HAVE to become an independent girl.
And now works are being given left and right - school works I mean. But hey, those school works isn't just as easy as how you are supposed to read it. NO. Since I am a Mass Communication major our school works relate mostly as a production class and of course it involves dealing with the rest of the team, inviting important or in demand guests (such as politicians, government officials, professionals, etc.) and also having a presence of mind in creating the script of the whole production and while you are on the production itself.
So many things to do. But I've got so little things for me to get my strengths.
Uh... Yeah... Little. Because the biggest mistake that I have been dealing with lately is that I haven't been to church for quite a while. I haven't visited Him and heard the gospel for quite a few weeks already.
So, is this what it's all about? Losing Him as the center of my life? And just plainly go with the flow of whatever comes in and out? Is that what makes my life chaotic and my heart feeling so scattered? Or because of my brain focusing on my everlasting soap opera love stories? - Where my heart usually ends up broken. (Another dramatic story)
EUGH!
So many questions in my mind.
Answers I could hardly find.
What? When? Where? Why?
How?
